Instigators

Today’s word is “instigator” (noun):  A person who brings about or initiates something.

“he was the instigator of the incident”

synonyms: initiator, prime mover, motivator, architect, designer, planner, inventor, mastermind, originator, author, creator, agent; founder, pioneer, founding father; agitator, fomenter, troublemaker, ringleader, rabble-rouser

When I was 11, I went to a church function, not quite sure what it was, but I know it took a long time, from early afternoon to early evening.

During this time, I was hanging out with two of my friends. They were both about a year younger than I was, and we all got bored after a while. Wandering around through the parking lot, we started talking about the problem we were having with non-members parking in our lot…so I came up with the bright idea of doing something about it.

I knew that sugar in the gas tank could cause a car to stall (I did not know it could ruin a car), but having no sugar, we decided to use milk. So, we got some of those little containers of milk from the church kitchen, and went back outside. We didn’t want to mess up cars belonging to anyone from the church, so we picked out cars we didn’t know. I picked out a car on the far side of the lot and opened the tank and went to pour the milk in, thinking it would simply cause the cars to stall. It was dark, and the car had a gap between the gas-door and the gas-cap, and this is where I poured my milk, so that it spilled on the ground. I did this on one other car, but never managed to get any milk in any gas tank.

However, cars did get damaged, and at least one was ruined, and of course, it belonged to one of the church members…and there were consequences!

Later that evening, right after I went to bed, my parents got a phone call…we had been caught! The person whose car was ruined suspected vandalism, and began asking questions. One thing led to another, and one my friends could not hold up under questioning, broke down and told everything.

While we all got in trouble, I was held responsible for the whole act because I was the oldest, and it was sort of my idea, so I was pegged as the instigator! The fact that I didn’t do any of the damage myself didn’t matter, I had encouraged my friends to do it!

I was 11, and at first, I didn’t think that was fair, but was not in any position to argue the point. It did not take long for my parents to make me see that I was responsible, even if I didn’t do any damage myself, because I was an instigator! I had encouraged my friends to commit these acts of vandalism…and the results were very expensive!

Once I was able to understand this and accept responsibility for what I had done, I actually took steps to make amends for my actions.

My amends were not accepted, but that is not what was most important, the point is that I tried to make things right, instead of doubling-down and making myself out to be a victim, or claiming that I was not guilty because I didn’t personally cause any damage.

We all make mistakes and do things we regret, it is a part of being human. Taking responsibility for our actions is part of being an adult, and a decent human being.

Just as I was held accountable for my actions, those who instigate hate and violence also need to be held accountable, no matter who they are…politicians, pundits and even the Presiden! Once they face the consequences of their actions, we can hope that they will see just how powerful (and dangerous) their influence can be, and seek to change. Even if they do not, perhaps others will be able to see how they have been manipulated to work against their own best interests, and decide to change themselves.

The conversation in our world is getting increasingly vitriolic and dangerous…and those who instigate, who stir up this contention, are making it worse! However, we are not powerless in the face of those who spew hatred and division, the truth is that it is in our power to hold the instigators accountable and to call for change. Rather than take up their mantle and turn on each other, we can embrace our differences and learn from them.

For if we all agreed on the same things, there would be no more learning, no more advancement, no more growth! Life is seldom easy, which is why it is so important for us to stand up to those who would instigate division and hate, because the only way to move forward is together!

All Seated At The Same Table

The whole house would smell like pot-roast as the Sunday Dinner was slowly cooking in the oven. It made me really hungry, but I knew I would have to wait until after church…many long hours away!

I was the youngest of five, and my siblings either lived on their own, or had busy lives and were seldom just hanging around the house, so Sunday was the one day that we all had the time to get together as a family.

We would get together after church (not all of us went) share some hors d’oeuvres (cheese and crackers) while waiting for dinner to be ready, signified by the ringing of the dinner bell (a small brass bell that looked like dragon). We would then sit-down for dinner, say grace and begin passing the food around the table.

On the surface it sounds idyllic, maybe like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting; however, this was the early ‘70s, the Vietnam War was still going on, and Nixon was in the White House, giving us plenty to talk about. This ensured that our weekly family meals were not always ‘warm and fuzzy’.

I know that some of the discussions were about the war and politics, but some were also about the legalization of marijuana, the civil rights movement, and other things that I cannot remember now.

While my parents did not believe that pot should be legalized, on just about every other topic there was agreement that there were many problems that needed to be solved, but not on what the solution was…or how to get there.

My parents would often be on the side of promoting change through reasonable means, i.e. voting, petitions, a peaceful march, etc. However, some of the other voices at the table would call for more radical actions, strikes, loud protests, the removal of Nixon from office or full legalization.

Sometimes, things got a bit heated, even to the point of someone leaving the table and walking out of the house.

Yet, no matter how intense the arguments became and no matter how far away anyone would run, we always got back together the next Sunday for dinner. We never let our disagreements tear us apart, or stop us from loving and caring for each other.

Sometimes as I troll (yes, I said it) through Social Media, watch the news, or even talk to someone with an opinion differently than mine, I get reminded of those long-ago Sunday Dinners. It can seem like everyone has an agenda, a point to make, and most everyone wants to be ‘right’. Of course, we can’t all be right, because no one has all the answers, and while this can be hard to accept, we just have to.

In many ways, we are ALL part of the same big, dysfunctional family. This means that why we may not always agree, or even get along, we are still connected and have no choice but to find a way to work and live together, despite our differences.

Even as a child, I learned a lot from those Sunday afternoon discussions, from things like not to goad my mother into an argument during dinner, to many of the issues that were impacting our world during the first half of the ‘70s. If everyone at the table had agreed on everything, we would have had more peaceful dinners, but there is so much we would not have learned from each other…including how to disagree while still loving and respecting each other.

It is okay to disagree and it is okay to lose an argument, but it is not okay to forget we are all seated at the same table. We all want health and happiness for ourselves and those we love, and we all want to make this world a better place…and while we may not always agree on how to get there, we will have to work together and listen to each other in order to get to the table.

Hometown Heroes

Recently, as I was driving down Main Street from Red Hill to East Greenville, I was looking up at the Hometown Heroes banners which honor members of the Upper Perkiomen Community who have served and sacrificed for our nation…all of which truly are heroes. Many of these banners held names that were familiar to me, pointing to the deep roots that exist within the Valley, in this community that I have adopted as my own!

Seeing all of these names me think of how the Upper Perkiomen Valley is one community, no matter which borough we live in, we are all connected! We have bonds of family, friendship, faith, commitment to our community…and (as evidenced by the banners) a shared history of working together.

Remembering that we are all part of the same community will help us to accept each other, regardless of our differences: who we voted for, where we are from, how (or if) we worship, and how we choose live our lives. Instead of bickering over our differences, we can learn from each other (if we all thought the same way, we would never learn anything new) and this will help us to work together to strengthen our community and make Upper Perk a better place for all of us.

For as we work together and learn from each other, new relationships are formed and old ones become strengthened, as one the best ways to build unity is to work with each other for a common goal. When we work together, putting aside our disagreements, we are truly honoring the spirit of those heroes, who gave up so much, so that we could have a better life.

And we too will be Hometown Heroes.