Yet Another Christmas Carol

A Satire in Several Parts

Cohn was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that.

It was in all the papers and broadcast on radio and television…even books had been written about his life and death. Roy Cohn was as dead as a door-nail. Mind! I don’t mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country’s done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Cohn was as dead as a door-nail.

Trump knew he was dead? Of course, he did. How could it be otherwise? Cohn had been his mentor and inspiration for years, as Cohn had taught him the importance of greed, winning and power, over the virtues of compassion and mercy.

It was from Cohn that Trump had learned that the word “integrity” was for weak people and suckers.

Although he was long dead, Trump kept the memory of Cohn alive in his heart as he practiced all he had been taught, lessons that brought him all the way to the White House!

Since his inauguration, Trump had used these lessons to line his own pockets, and to enrich his family, friends and anyone else who could add to his own wealth. He did as he was taught and put aside all compassion and kindness, raked in the dollars, and solidified his Base.

Many had turned against him, calling him cruel, heartless and corrupt, but Trump didn’t care, not as long as the cash kept flowing and his power grew…for he knew that he held one of the most powerful positions on earth, and believed he was about to win a second term, and when that happened, nothing would be able to stop him from doing exactly as he pleased, and God help anyone who got in his way!

Our story takes place in the days approaching Christmas, just a little less than a year before his next election. Trump had just signed an Executive Order taking money from the school lunch program to pay for another section of his border wall, and gotten fresh dirt on his Democratic rivals from his new mentor, Vlad.

That evening, Trump had held a private party for his donors in the White House, and had retired to the residence, alone, Melania having gone ahead to Mar A Lago for the Holiday, and his plan was to join her the next day!

Trump had just changed into his silk pajamas and told the Secret Service to leave him alone for the night, telling them “…go bother Pence if there is a real emergency!”

The valet had brought in a platter of Chic Fil A sandwiches and those waffle fries that he loved, and he was munching those while watching Fox News, when the picture became scrambled, and then started showing old footage of Cohn at the HUAC hearings. Trump became upset and began pushing the remote to change the channel, but nothing was working.

The same thing was on every channel!

Now angry, he picked up the phone to call Maintenance about the Cable service, cursing the “Liberal Cable Company!”

They own MSNBC, so of course they would want to deny him his Fox News!

Suddenly, the image of Cohn on the screen turned to him and spoke! “Donald, put down that remote and listen to me!” “What…who is this?” Trump asked, more confused than angry, adding “I am the President of the United States, I will not…” “Donald, enough!” Cohn said, cutting him off. Momentarily stunned, Donald fell into an uncharacteristic silence and watched as Cohn climbed out of the TV (still in black and white) and held out his hand.

Trump dropped his chicken sandwich and weakly took Cohn’s hand, pulling him into the room. It was a difficult transition as Cohn was weighed down by heavy gold bars, which restricted his movement.

With much difficultly, Cohn took a seat across from Trump, settling in with a sigh. He looked around the room and then turned to Trump and frowned. “Well, you’ve done quite well for yourself, haven’t you?”

Trump managed a smile, “Oh yeah, I am the President of the whole United States now…and doing a really great job!” adding “You would be so proud…and so would my dad!”

Cohn looked at him and shook his head.

“The man I was, would have been very pleased at how you lied and bought your way to this most important position…and impressed with the ruthless way you have kept your power.” Trump now beamed, as Cohn went on, “The way you have eschewed all human decency and compassion, betrayed friends and supports, and done all that took to build upon that power is amazing, I couldn’t have done better myself!”

Trump nodded, and said, “Thank you Roy, I learned from the best, though I’m not sure what shoes have to do with anything, but I do have very good shoes, custom made!” Cohn ignored the shoe comment, and said “Well, I might have been a bit more subtle than you…but that was the man I was in life…now, well things are different.”

“What do you mean Roy?”

Cohn pointed to the gold bars, and said “Do you see these?” “Of course, how could I miss them? Are they your reward for being so smart?” Trump asked. Cohn leaned forward and put his hand on Trump’s knee. “No, it is my curse, to be weighed down by gold bars, by wealth that serves no purpose…what use do I have for these riches now, they are a simply a burden.” They are my punishment from ignoring the good, for seeking money and power over the good that I could have done for the world, and for people in need. My punishment for betraying my own people, time and time again, for causing them pain, when I could have brought them comfort.”

Cohn looked into Trump’s eyes, and said “These are mine to carry because I turned my back on the gifts I had been given in life, and closed myself off to the Grace of the Almighty.”

Trump shook his head, and answered, “Wow, way to beat yourself up dude…you were not that bad, as a matter of fact…” With great difficultly, Cohn stood up and pointed his finger at Trump, “You just don’t get it, I fucked up…I was wrong, and I am trying to help you, to save what is left of your soul!”

“My soul is just fine, thank you!” Trump told him.

“No, it is not, as heavy as my gold bars are, yours are the vastly heavier and growing larger by the day!” “No problem there, gold is a great investment!” Trump said, smiling.

Cohn slapped his face! “Be quiet Donald, and listen, this is your chance…your one chance to avoid my fate!” “Don’t tell me, this is one of those ‘Scrooge McDuck’ things…now I am going to be visited by three spirits, right?” Trump said sarcastically.

“Sure, why not, maybe that will help you, nothing else has.” Cohn said. “You will get your three ghosts and maybe that will change things for you…maybe, but maybe not, its ultimately up to you.” “Bring them on…I can take it, let’s just get this over with in one night, I am a busy man, and I have a flight out tomorrow, those 18 holes won’t play themselves.”

Cohn just shook his head, “Well, I tried, but now my time is up. I don’t think staying would be much good any way…good luck to you my young friend, learn from my mistakes.” Trump laughed, “The after-life has made you weak Roy, go then, and don’t let the door hit you in the ass!”

Cohn turned, kissed Trump on both cheeks, and knocked him out with a mean left hook.

He woke up some time later, to Tucker Carlson, blathering away on Fox News. “What a weird dream” he thought to himself, not bothering to wonder why jaw hurt if it WAS really just a dream, but then figured that he was probably sore from the four chicken sandwiches he had eaten for dinner, and reached out for another.

However, he froze half way to the container, the room suddenly filled with the scent of Bay-rum aftershave. “Papa?” Trump called out.

“Sorry old sport, papa couldn’t make it, so they sent me instead.”

Trump turned to see a well-dressed man, who looked like he stepped out of the 1950’s. He was holding a glass of whiskey, and smoking a cigarette in a fancy holder.

“I’m Prescott, and I was sent around to talk to you.” the spirit told Trump. “Let me guess, you are the ghost of Christmas Past…right?” Trump said. “Yes, you could say that, I am here to help set you straight as it were…it is part of my penance or some such, you know, for not being above boards in life and all that.” Trump simply looked bored, and said “Go on then, let’s get this over with!”

“Well, there it is then…shall we?” Prescot said, holding out his hand. After Trump hesitated a moment, Prescott said “Come along, tempus fugit.” Trump had no idea what that meant, but agreed “Okay, this is probably just a dream any way, a bad clam or that Mulan McNugget sauce I got was expired, so go ahead.”

The next thing he knew, Trump was transported back to his youth, he was about 8 years old, it was Christmas Eve and he was standing next to his father in front of dilapidated apartment building in Queens. They watched as a crew moved out the residents…against their will.

A cigar clenched in his teeth, like some bad stereotype, his father told him “Pay attention, I’ve had this building condemned, this allows us to terminate leases and kick these folks out. We will pay a fine, but we can do away with their rent control spend a few bucks on paint and plaster, and raise the rent for the next group of tenants!” he paused and asked, “Do you know what it means?” Donald shook his head, and his father said “It means we win!”

“But what about the families? It’s Christmas, where will they go?” Donald asked his father. “Not really our problem, now is it?” was the response. “It’s cold out here, let’s go home, the cook will have hot cocoa and cookies waiting for Christmas Eve.”

With that, they got into the Cadillac headed for home, as they drove away, Donald watched families on the street, in the cold, they were shouting curses at his father, so he simply rolled up the window to muffle the sound.

“I remember this, Trump said, standing in the snow with Prescott, “That was a great Christmas, I didn’t often get to spend time with my dad, and that was a few years before I went to military school…I got so many great presents!” Prescott nodded, “And what about the people on the streets?” Trump just shrugged, and said “Sucks to be them.”

Prescott shook his head, and went on, “Speaking of the military school, let’s look a few years forward.”

In an instant, he was at the school, a few days before Christmas, he was 14. Donald and some of his friends were in the Men’s Room, giving a ‘swirly’ to one of the other students, all were laughing, as the nerd they were dunking in the toilet was screaming in fear and humiliation. Suddenly, Donald let go of the nerd to look at his watch, which caused the other boys to lose their grip, and their sodden victim rolled out of the stall, and scrambled out of the bathroom to freedom.

“Oh man, it’s almost time to be picked up for the ride home…fun time is over!” Donald said. “We’ll get back to this later, I’ve got to go too, heading to Gstad for skiing don’t you know.” “That’s right, have fun Brett!” said Mike, adding, “I am stuck in Scarsdale with Gram!”

“Palm Beach for me, leaving in the morning on pop’s jet.” Donald told them, smiling. “Sun, sand, golf and lots of presents!”

Trump turned to Prescott, “Hey, this was the year that mom and dad changed plans and left us alone for Christmas…stuck in Jamaica Estates, while they flew off to Palm Beach alone, to ‘work on their marriage’…this Christmas sucked!” “Quite, but that’s what your father wanted, which meant you and your siblings had to bite the bullet and spend the holidays being watched over by the Help.” “It wasn’t fair, I wanted to go to Palm Beach!” Trump said, petulantly.

Prescott sighed “Yes, it was terrible, you had to eat turkey on Christmas Day, and not goose, and New Year’s Eve was spent at the Plaza and wasn’t that the year you got your first boat? It must have been terrible!” “But my dad left me, alone in the cold…he never wanted to spend time with me.” Trump said, his words trailing off petulantly. “Pop only paid attention to me when he was disappointed, and wanted to tell me how awful I was…no matter what he did, it was always about him!” he paused “And I was never good enough for him!”

Trump looked like he was on the verge of an emotion, but Prescott was unphased by his display “Yes, it would be a real trial to have to deal with someone so selfish.” “Do you have kids?” Trump asked. “Of course, I was quite the involved parent, and my children turned out quite well, one even achieved your…” “Sure…of course they did…but as a father you know how hard it is, but I have been the best father ever…I gave them jobs, and even still spend time with them!” Trump said smiling.

“And it shows.” Prescott answered, with snark.

“I just wish my dad loved me as much as I love my kids!” Trump said wistfully.

“And, you can do better with your own children, it’s not too late to teach them how to have some compassion, to put the needs of others before their own…” “You mean to turn them into LOSERS?” Trump interrupted, grinning bigly. “Never!”

Prescott suddenly dropped his cool façade and turned to glare at Trump “It’s NOT too late for you to learn some human decency either, if it was, your soul would have been pulled to Hell already!”

Trump’s smile faded, and Prescott continued, “I think we’re through here…I can do no more for you, and I am meeting with Ike, Jack and Nikita for a game you know.” Trump sneered, and asked him, “What about Nixon?” Prescott smiled and answered, “Of course, we can’t take to the course without a caddy.” Before Trump could say anything, Prescott announced, “Well, off with it then!” and in an instant, Donald was back in the residence!

“What a weird dream!” he said to himself, and then hesitating when he discovered that the cuffs of his trousers, and his feet…were wet! “What the fuck is going on here!” Trump exclaimed, as he grabbed one of the chicken sandwiches from the platter.

Suddenly, the room was filled with light!

“Oh no, here comes another one!” Trump said, as he tried to finish the chicken sandwich quickly, which caused him to choke. He grabbed his neck and tried to cough out the offending piece of poultry, but nothing was working and was starting to get scared! Then, he was being slapped on the back, and the piece of chicken shot out of his mouth, and he could breathe again!

Trump turned to look at the person who had saved him, and said “Thank you, I was choking, and you…” then he stopped, a shocked look on his face “…you, what are you doing here?” “Oh, you were choking…I didn’t know.” Trump scowled, the visitor ignored him and went on, “Tonight, we are going to take a tour of our nation on this Christmas Eve…for tonight I am the ghost of Christmas present!”

“But you’re…dead!” Trump announced. “Of course, didn’t I just tell you I was a ghost? You need to learn how to listen to folks!” “Well, maybe I don’t want to go with you, after all you weren’t too nice to me when you were alive!” Trump told the ghost. “You don’t have a choice, I actually asked for this chance to set you straight…in a way, I am living up to my name, Elijah, who was a prophet!” he said with a smile. Then he continued “And time is wasting, let’s go!” Trump was still not sure, so the ghost, grabbed his arm and pulled him up off of the sofa. “Where are you taking me?” The ghost smiled at him, and said “Baltimore!”

In an instant, the two of them found themselves standing in the corner of a cold apartment, with peeling paint and crumbling plaster walls. Trump noticed a few roaches and an empty mouse trap, and when he touched the counter he recoiled. However, in spite of everything, the apartment was clean, and filled with light and life. In the next room, a family was gathered around the table, a single mother, her three kids, a grandma, aunts, and other friends, all enjoying turkey, baked mac & cheese (with three different types of cheese), greens and sweet potatoes.

“Not a gourmet meal, is it?” Elijah asked Trump. “No, but it is making me hungry, think we could join?” Elijah shook his head and said, “Sorry, they cannot see us, and we cannot touch them, or the food…but let me ask you, would you want them to join you, if it was your table?” Trump looked shocked, “Never, I am the President, and they are…” “Poor, black, beneath you?” “No, of course not, it’s just that it would not appropriate…I am rich, and President, people pay a lot of money to have dinner with me!!” Elijah shook his head, maybe we need to listen for a few minutes.” Then he took Trump by the arm and turned him toward the table, when Trump tried to say something, Elijah held up his hand to silence him…and it worked!

Just then, a mouse ran across the floor of the dining room, and people at the table jumped up “Damn, another mouse, this place is a dump…the landlord needs to fix this place up!” “That’ll never happen, this is a Kushner building, they never take care of any of their shit!”

“Jared’s family owns this place?” Trump ask, smiling proudly. “No, JARED owns this place, seems like he has learned a lot from you…that mother was right, this place is a dump, and the people are being over-charged!” “That’s business!” Trump said, and Elijah had to restrain himself from smacking him.

The conversation around the table continued, “I would love to have that Kushner here and give him a piece of my mind!” “And that awful Trump too, that man is crazy, and selfish and a lying piece of crap!” the mother said, with one of her sons adding “He’s not good enough to sit at our table!”

Trump heard this and his face fell, truly hurt! “When I became president, I thought everyone would love me!”

Then, the grandmother spoke up, “I would welcome the man, maybe what he needs is a good meal, and some warmth…he is too cold, and too broken, maybe he just needs some real love…after all, Jesus ate with the Tax Collectors and he forgave the Romans who hung him on the cross!” “I am not sure if I could be so forgiving.” One of the aunts added.

“The rent is going up on New Year’s Day and I don’t know how we are going to pay it.” The Mother said. “Get another job!” one of the aunts said, laughing. “I got three already…I need to sleep sometime!” “We’ll work it out…we always do.” Said the grandmother.

As the group continued to talk and eat, Trump asked Elijah “How can they be so happy, living like this, knowing that they could be homeless soon?” “Because they have each other.” Elijah answered.

“I’ve seen enough of this…do you have anything else to show me, something more…liter?” “Yes, we have one more stop…come with me!” Elijah said, grabbing Trump roughly, and in a moment, they were gone!

Trump and Elijah found themselves on the porch of a farmhouse. Fallow fields, harvested for the year, stretched out in all directions. From the house, came the sound of laughter, and the smell of woodsmoke.

Parked next to the house was an old pickup truck, with a “Trump 2020” sticker on the bumper, partially obscuring the older, “MAGA” sticker beneath it.

“Ahh, an old fashioned, good old American Christmas!” Trump said, adding “These people are winning!” “Don’t be so sure.” Elijah told him, pointing to the Foreclosure notice on the front window. “Sad, that some people don’t know how to take advantage of the great success I have given to the county.” Elijah just shook his head and said, “Let’s go inside.”

In an instant, they were in the living room, appearing as shadows on the wall. Trump and Elijah watched as the family came in through the kitchen, with their coats still on from the cold outside. “Oh, it is Christmas Eve, are they just coming back from church?” “Yes, they are good church-going people…just like the last family we visited.” Elijah answered, adding, actually they are both Episcopal, just different branches.” Trump just looked at him, grunted, and said “But these are MY people, good ‘All-American’ stock!” In response, Elijah looked at him and shook his head. “It would be best if be quiet and pay attention now.”

The children, two school-aged boys and a girl who looked to be in High School, sat down in the living room on aging furniture, while the mother began to play Christmas music on her phone. The father lit a fire in the wood stove and said “This should warm things up.” “I hope so, it’s always so cold in here!” said one of the kids. “Hush!” scolded his sister, “Dad is doing the best he can!” “Yeah, it’s Christmas Eve, time for presents, not complaining!” said the other boy.

The mother smiled and said, “You betcha, it IS time for presents, but while it’s warming up in here, let’s have some snacks.” And she went to the kitchen for cookies and hot cocoa.

“Just like cook used to bring us!” Donald exclaimed, “What a wonderful Christmas this is…they ARE winning!” Elijah gave him a strained look, and asked him “What about the ‘Foreclosure’ notice on the door, and the fact that they cannot afford to heat their home?” “Oh, that…they must be doing something wrong, everyone else is thriving in this Economy…thanks to me!” Trump said, puffing his chest out with pride. “Well, you are right about that, you have played a big role in their current situation!” Elijah told him. Donald smiled, nodded and said “Winning!”

The spirit looked like he was about to smack Trump, but stopped, and instead, pointed back to the family, who were just finishing their treats, and were finally warmed enough to take off their hats and gloves.

“Not quite winning, look at them, for once just shut your mouth and LOOK!” Elijah said sternly.

The father was sitting in an easy chair, away from the family, nursing a beer, trying hard to be festive, but with worry etched deeply into the creases of his face. The mother was also doing her best to be cheerful, as she wanted to keep things upbeat for the children “Now, unfortunately, Santa has had a rough year…just like all of us, because of the tariffs with China – they are making the toys a lot more expensive too, but he did manage to bring you some gifts!” the mother said. With that, she began handing out the gifts, which the kids tore into with enthusiasm.

There were sweaters, socks, and they all got coats and boots, mostly hand-me-downs and things from the local thrift shop. However, the daughter also got a laptop, which she was excited about at first…but then, she put back on the table. “Mom, this is too much, my old phone still works, we can’t afford…” Her mother stopped her and said “You have a chance at a College Scholarship, you need this for school, and besides, this was on special…so, you will keep this laptop and we will always be proud of you…of all you kids!” with that, she wiped away a tear, and went back to trying to be cheerful!

“That’s one hand-me-down I’ll be glad to get in a couple of years!” said her youngest brother, and they all laughed, even dad.

“Dinner will be ready soon, we have a roast chicken, buttered rolls and corn, and for dessert, some special Christmas apple pie.” Mom told them. “But, can we afford all this?” the daughter asked. “We’ll worry about that after Christmas, I’ll go to the bank and see if we can get more time…maybe Trump will find some way to help us…maybe he’ll finally beat those Chinese and we can finally start making money again!” her Dad said.

His wife gave a dirty look when Trump’s name was mentioned, but said nothing, and turned back to the children, smiling.

“But my trade war is important, we’ve got the Chinese where we want them…we will win, eventually!” Trump told Elijah. “The markets may never recover, and in the meantime, those who have trusted you the most are suffering.” “Are there no Welfare Offices, no public assistance, no charities?” “Donald” Elijah said, putting his hand on Trump’s shoulder, “You have cut all that funding, to pay for your friends’ tax-cuts!” “But if the top is doing well, everyone benefits, right?” Elijah shook his head, and said “No, it doesn’t work that way, Reagan taught us that years ago.”

“Now Donald, our time is almost up.”

In an instant, they were back in the residence, and when Trump looked up he saw that Elijah had aged quite a bit. “What’s wrong with you!” he demanded. “My time here is very brief, I only live for the day, but my legacy will live on, because I did things to actually help people like these.” “Doesn’t look like whatever you did worked very well.” Trump told him. Elijah ignored the dig, “I hope that I have taught you something today…but I am not optimistic.” Elijah told him. “Well, if you need to go, better just do that, Tucker Carlson is…hey, what is that beneath your coat, what have you got there?” Trump asked, pointing at the hem of his long winter coat. Elijah, grew serious, and unbuttoned the coat.

There at his feet was a young boy, locked in a cage, crying and hungry. Opposite from him was a girl, about the same age, tangled in rubber tubing and plastic six-pack holders. “What the hell, what do have going on there Elijah?” Trump asked, winking, “I never knew you were into…” Elijah became angry, and told him to “Shut-up!” Then he pointed to the children and said, “This boy is named ‘Ignorance’ as he is in the cage because of irrational fear and hatred of the poor immigrants who are coming to this country for a new life!” “You mean to take our jobs!” Trump corrected.

“Thank you for making my point, these children are suffering because you want to keep your ignorant base living in fear of them!” “Well, the parents shouldn’t have brought their children along on such a dangerous, and illegal journey.” “Like your grandparents…and your mother, didn’t they came looking for a better life for themselves too?” Elijah pointed out.

“My family came here legally!” “Something it is nearly impossible for these poor people to, thanks to those who have made immigration far more difficult than it needs to be…we need a new process, but instead of fixing it, you’d rather just shut it all down!”

Trump’s eyes narrowed, “So what’s with that girl, tangled up in trash?” “This girl…” Elijah began, much more calmly “…is named ‘Want’ she is struggling because her parents are addicted to drugs and alcohol…like your brother was…but the family does not have access to the help they need to face the problems; she is wrapped in the paraphernalia of their illness.”

“Well, her parents are just weak willed!” Trump told him. Elijah shook his head, “This has nothing to do with weakness, and you should know that, after what you saw your brother go through!” “He was weak too, and my father knew it, we all tried to straighten him out, to snap him out of his drinking, but…” “And you regretting being so hard on him, didn’t you?” Elijah asked.

Donald put his head down and said, “What does this have to do with the girl’s parents…they are loser junkies!” Elijah could tell that he was trying to sound indignant, but also noted Donald’s lack of enthusiasm.

“As for the girl, she is represents all the children who have been orphaned because of Addiction, not just because their parents died, but also because they have become absent, because getting high or drunk meant more to them than anything…and those who love them wind up mourning people still technically alive.”

“Well maybe they should go to rehab, like my brother did!” “Donald, many want to go, but cannot afford it, because their insurance won’t cover it.” “Another Obamacare failure!” Trump said, smugly. “Yes, because you allowed Congress to gut the coverage that could have helped.” Elijah told him. “Excuses, excuses, surely I am NOT to blame for this!” “Believe what you want Donald…it’s time for me to go, perhaps the next spirit will help you change your mind, let you see how you too can be an instrument of grace and compassion.” Elijah said.

“No one is more compassionate than me!” Donald shouted to an empty room, as Elijah was gone, leaving behind the scent of pine needles and Old Spice.

Trump sat back on the sofa with a sigh. “What a night…I’m hungry!” he exclaimed as he reached for a Chick Fil A sandwich and bit into it. “Aww it’s cold!” he said to himself, disappointed, as he took another bite.

As he munched on his chicken sandwich, Trump turned his attention to Dr. Laura, who was attacking the Democrats and the Fake News media, just like always…tearing apart ‘Shifty Schiff’ and ‘Sleepy Joe’, and as he watched, Trump began to convince himself that it was really all just a weird dream.

In fact, maybe it was some kind of a plot…perhaps his food had been drugged!

This caused him to look at his sandwich, and then shrug before he finished it. As he was wiping his hands on his pants, Dr. Laura called his name “Donald, look behind you!”

Trump turned to see a small, but ominous figure standing behind the sofa. It was wearing a long, black, hoodie, that looked like a robe. Its face was hidden in the shadows of the hood, as the figure reached out and motioned for him to stand up and walk over. Mystified, Trump got up and approached the spirit. Although he towered over it, Trump found the spirit intimidating…so he spoke with his usual bluster.

“So, who are you now?” he asked. The spirit just stood, motionless. “Oh yeah, you must be the ghost that doesn’t speak, but just acts all scary around McDuck…so you are going to show me the future, eh?” The figure nodded, and Trump said “Without a word…this should be fun!”

“I can talk, but only when I feel that there’s something worthwhile to say…and that I will be listened to.” The spirit replied. Trump was truly shocked to hear the spirit’s voice. From what he could tell, it sounded like a young girl, with a Swedish accent. “Hey, I know who you are, that girl who keeps talking about the Climate Hoax!” Trump told her. In response, she raised her hand and said “Hush!” and then, “Follow me.”

Before he could even think about it, Trump found himself in the Oval Office. The dark spirit motioned for him to look around the room. All seemed normal, at first…the furniture was in place, his desk was neat and tidy, but the pictures displayed were different. They appeared to be an assortment of photos from many of those who held the office before him.

There were the Nixons with Checkers, the Fords and Liberty, George and Barbara with Molly, Ike and his clubs, Franklin and Elenore, TR and his tribe of kids and pets, and so on. On the walls were portraits of presidents, “They are all here huh, even…Obama!” Trump said looking at all the paintings, he nodded at his own “I look so commanding” but then stopped when he saw the next, “What is HER picture doing here…and HIS, and oh no…she’s one of those ‘women’ who did so much to drive me out of office!”

The figure turned to him, her face still hidden, “Remember this is a vision of the possible future, and these are the people who were president after you.” Trump looked shocked, “THIS is what the people of this great nation got, after ME?” “Yes, they had a lot of work to do…after the mess you left behind you!” she told him.

“Mess? My Presidency was perfect!”

The figure shook her head, “Look around you, doesn’t this room look different?” Trump looked at her like she was crazy, but when he looked around, he saw that his desk was behind protective glass, and there were velvet ropes, and small plaques everywhere. “This office is now in a museum, we’re in Philadelphia, the new Capitol…it was moved here from DC, which had to be abandoned when the water rose!” “What the Hell are you talking about?” he asked her.

“You ignored the warnings about climate change, and the waters rose, and DC is now in the Chesapeake Bay.” She paused to let her words sink in. “DC was a dirty city any way, maybe I did everyone a favor!” Trump said smiling. “Tell that to the people in Florida…oh except, that state is just a collection of small islands now, thousands were lost, and many more became refugees…at least they saved Disney, good thing they built it in the middle of the state!” “See, all is not lost…wait, what about Mar A Lago?” The spirit shook her head. “And you did not have flood insurance!” A tear formed in the corner of Trump’s eye. “Did we lose anything else?” he asked, actually sounding concerned. She pointed to a map, which showed the New Florida Keys, the ocean lapping against the Watchung Mountains in NJ, and Alabama as the new southern shore of the Atlantic. Manhattan was surrounded by a giant sea-wall, Brooklyn and Queens had been reduced to a small, and mostly uninhabited island, but Staten Island had survived, while Long Island, Boston and a big part of Maine were gone. California had also been reduced to islands, and the Great Lakes were now one inland sea! Fortunately, this spared Chicago and Detroit from complete disaster.

Looking at the map, Trump noticed something else. “What are all these dividing lines on the map of the USA?” “The nation split up after your term was over, the divisions were too great, and now there are four instead of one!” “It was the Impeachment, those damn Democrats!” Trump said “They drove me out and that broke our country!”

“Actually, you survived Impeachment, and even got a second term, where you took out your vengeance on anyone who would oppose you.” Trump smiled, and the spirit went on “Even when your term was finally up, you refused to leave, squatting in the White House for 6 months, and when you were finally removed, the strained bonds that held the country together were at the breaking point. Still, the nation might have stayed together, if the ice caps had not melted so quickly. The waters rose and the nation was not strong enough to survive!” Trump shook his head, “It must have been Obama’s fault…or maybe SHE caused it, the next president!” he said, pointing at their pictures.

With that, the small spirit smacked him, and said “You need to listen, there is still time to make changes!” Trump was stunned, and went to punch her, but she stopped him by holding up her hand, and he sat down. “We are in the ‘Union of the Sovereign States of America’, making up most of the East Coast and northern Mid-West. The middle of the country, and the South is called ‘The New Confederation’, and the West coast, including the islands of California, Nevada and New Mexico is now ‘Olympia’, and of course the Mormons took Utah private as well.”

“This is YOUR legacy, Donald!”

“Fake News…what, are you just trying to fool me into being a ‘better person’?” Trump asked. “I think that ship has sailed, I am just showing you the damage left in your wake…I hope to appeal to whatever shred of humanity you have left, and convince you NOT to run for another term.” Trump laughed “Not in your dreams…this election is a lock for me; no way Sleepy Joe is going to beat me – you said so yourself!” “But there is still hope for us.” She told him, “You could still do some good in your life, simply by retiring to play golf every day and make a fortune on speaking tours.”

“No, I have to secure my legacy, for myself…and of course, also for my children and grandchildren!” Trump told her. “Oh, you want to know what you left for them?” Before he could answer she said, “Let me tell you, Jared did time in both federal and state prison for defrauding the government, and for conditions in his apartments, Ivanka no longer uses the name ‘Trump’ has remarried, and is living in obscurity and happy for it.” “Nope, all lies, I don’t believe a word of it!” Trump told her.

The small spirit ignored him, and continued on, “Don Jr. is still doing time for multiple offenses, including money laundering that even you didn’t know about…and Eric, well…uh, Eric, is running what is left of your companies, and it’s not going well.” “Oh no, not Eric!” Trump cried, “Not that!”

“Your grandchildren and great grandchildren have to hide who they are, but still have to pay off your large financial debts, and they are even unwelcome in the New Confederation because you turned on them with the tariffs and cutting their medical benefits, and they were your most faithful supporters.”

“So, what about me, am I still alive in this ‘future’ you’ve dreamed up?” Trump asked. “No, you lived about five years after you left the White House, you were never charged and lived out the rest of your life at your golf course in New Jersey.” She told him. “Well, that doesn’t sound so bad, I got to play golf as much as I wanted.” Trump said. “Yes, you have so much to be proud of.” The spirit said, with just a touch of snarkiness.

“Sadly, you were taken by Alzheimer’s not long after you left office, so your golf time was limited.” Trump shook his head, “What a shame, at least they gave me a glorious state funeral, I’m sure all the best people were there…right?” The spirit shook her head, and said “Not quite.” Then, in an instant, they were transported to an overgrown cemetery in what was left of Queens, the ghost was pointing to a small headstone. “Oh, you want me to read this, what poor loser is buried here…?” he asked, his voice trailing off, as he began to read. “Donald J. Trump, 45^th President of the United States, ‘May God’s mercy be with us all’.” He stood up, “Why did they write that, and why am I buried in this forgotten place…where is my eternal flame, my monuments?”

“Donald, you got what you deserved!”

Trump turned to her, and was about to speak, but she was fading away. “There is still time…you can still do what’s right.” Then, he was alone, in the dark and cold, standing on top of his own grave! In a rare moment of honesty and humility, he dropped to his knees, and when he did, the ground gave way and he found himself falling into an abyss!

Fox and Friends was on the TV, it was morning, and he was on the sofa in the residence when an aide came in with his morning briefing. “What day is it?” Trump asked the aide. “It’s December 22nd sir!” the aide replied. “Thank God, I didn’t miss it!” The aide looked at him curiously, “No sir, we’re wheels up in two hours, you didn’t miss your flight…you couldn’t, you’re the main passenger.” “That’s right, I am!” he said, smiling. “What do I need to sign off on, before I head to Florida?”

“Well, you are to sign an Executive Order that will allow us to deport approximately 30 groups of parents back home, without their children…they will be detained, until we can determine if they deserve foster care here, or should be deported themselves.” Trump nodded and thinking of this experience with the ghosts, said “It is Christmas, I’ll delay the order until after the New Year!” “How gracious.” The aide replied, “Let’s pardon Stone instead, so he can spend time with his…uh, family!” Trump told her, feeling very proud of himself.

“I can feel the Christmas Spirit growing already.” The aide said flatly, before leaving the room.

It turned out to be a wonderful Christmas for Trump, lots of sun, fun and golf; it did not take long for him to forget about his weird dreams as he enjoyed the holidays free from worry and stress. It was clear that his Impeachment would die on the desk of Mitch McConnell, and he saw a clear path to victory in the upcoming elections.

Then, two days after Christmas, he was watching Fox, when they broke into Tucker Carlson to announce that Rudy was arrested on charges of working as an unregistered foreign agent. Trump knew that Rudy would never talk, he was loyal…right? He hoped Rudy would be, but… Feeling anxious he wanted some air, and got up to walk out to the lagoon and look up at the stars.

This was his place, he was safe, and able to go where he wanted without his Secret Service protection. As he walked across the lawn, he was looking down at his phone, reading Tweets, but stopped when he found that his feet were getting wet! Trump looked up, and despite the darkness, he could see that the lagoon had crept up across the lawn, farther than ever before! Looking down at his wet feet, he thought of what the final spirit had told him about ignoring climate change, and wondered…

His thoughts were interrupted when his phone lit up, “Why is Bill Barr texting me?” he asked, then he saw he had a missed call from Mulvaney, suddenly, he was getting a call from Adam ‘Shifty’ Schiff’s office, and was just asking himself “What the heck is going on?” when he heard the Secret Service Agents running up behind him yelling “Stop right there sir…don’t move another step!”.

And for just a moment, he looked out at the lagoon and wondered what it would be like to just take a nice, long, swim.