Bullies

Bullies…

They’re not just for kids.

Even as adults we can run into them:  On the road, at work, stores, sporting events, when we are out trying to have a good time with our friends or families. We can also find them on Face Book, Instagram and other forms of social media…especially today, as we are in the midst of an election season.

We see bullies both celebrated and vilified in our culture, with some becoming very famous and powerful, mostly based on building themselves up while bringing others down. However, this also reminds us that most bullies lack any real substance, they are mostly bluff and bluster, but they can still have an impact.

Sometimes, all we need to do is look in a mirror to see a bully….as none of us are without sin.

This is a good thing to remember when others fall short, it can help us to be more forgiving, just as we too have been forgiven.

And we all have our own bullies to face.

Like my friend Harold. He was often bullied, for his weight, his stutter, lack of athletic prowess, and the fact that he was socially awkward (which was not helped by being bullied).

Now Harold became used to being bullied, and found the getting angry didn’t help as it often got physical, and that would get him into trouble – and his anger only seemed to embolden the bullies; that was what they were looking for.

In time, he learned it was best if he didn’t rock the boat.

Instead, he came up with other ways to cope with it…mostly by doing what he could to avoid conflict. If kids started to pick on him, he would sometimes often join in with them, and make a joke out it, like if someone called him ugly or stupid, he would agree with them in order to take some of their steam away. Often though, he would just find a way to walk away.

Then, one day, when he was between classes at High School, Harold came upon a crowd of kids blocking the hall! His instincts told him to turn around and go another way…as that many kids gathered together was usually meant trouble for him, trouble he did not want. Curiosity got the better of him though, and he stopped to see what was going on.

As Harold moved to the edge of the crowd, he saw one of the school’s bullies tormenting a kid named Jack.

Jack was a little bit ‘different’ with a dry sense of humor that was often misunderstood, and he was even more awkward than Harold. Because of this, most of the kids thought he was a little weird and definitely a bit of a nerd, long before shows like The Big Bang Theory made it almost cool to be dorky.

So, Jack was a frequent target of the bullies, who thought it was fun when they could make him angry, or even better…cry!

Because they were both bullied on a regular basis, Harold and Jack became friends, and gave each other support in the face of the taunts and teasing.

Harold saw that Jack was on the verge of tears right now, his face was getting red, he was shaking, and trying very hard not to lose control.  The crowd saw his vulnerability started laughing harder, with a few more of the kids moving from being spectators to actively teasing.

Harold saw what was happening and knew he should do something…

He knew what it was like to be bullied, and while he felt bad for his friend, he was also glad that he was not the target this time. Harold wanted to help, but was afraid that if he spoke up for Jack, he would wind up at the mercy of the bullies!

Just then one of kids pointed at Jack and called out: “Oh no, he’s starting to cry!”

Sure enough, the tears came, and everyone started to laugh and shout at him, including Harold!

When he realized what he was doing, Harold felt horrible!

How could he turn on his friend like that?

That was when Harold finally decided that he had to do something, even though he really didn’t want to, because he was afraid.

Putting his fear aside, Harold pushed his way through the crowd, walked over to Jack, and yelled at everyone to “Stop!” He told them that Jack did not deserve to be treated so badly…no one did, not even the bullies!

The crowd went silent for a moment, and then one of the kids pointed out: “You were just laughing too!” “You’re right, I did, and I was wrong…now I want to do what’s right.” Harold admitted, and then he turned to Jack and said “I’m sorry, I got caught up with the crowd, I shouldn’t have joined in!”

Jack just stood there looking sad and broken…

Some of the kids continued to laugh, but many just turned away without saying anything, looking embarrassed.

Then a teacher walked over to see what was going on…and with that, the rest of the kids walking away as well.

For a moment, Harold felt proud of himself for standing up for Jack, and he put his arm around Jack’s shoulder. Jack moved away from him and asked, “What took you so long?” and then walked away himself.

While Jack eventually forgave Harold, he soon transferred schools because the bullying just got too much him to handle…and this left Harold wondering if things might have been different, if he had spoken up sooner, or more often.

From then on, Harold made an effort to speak out and stand up to bullies, but it was still difficult for him, because he was afraid that if he said anything the bullies would turn on him, and sometimes they did…but as he got older, he did begin to speak out more often. Speaking up did not always work out well, but it did make a difference, it did get some people to think about how they were treating each other. On a few occasions those who were doing the bullying changed their ways, but more often, those who stood by and watched began to speak up more often themselves.

Speaking out also helped Harold to feel better about himself, and it assuaged some of his guilt, as he never wanted to let someone down, like he had done to Jack…ever again.

Through these experiences, Harold has learned that sometimes all it takes is a little bit of courage, to stand up for what is right.